Awkward?

"Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are
willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try
something new."

-- Brian Tracy

Yeh~

Leave the dishes.
Let the celery rot in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator
and an earthen scum harden on the kitchen floor.
Leave the black crumbs in the bottom of the toaster.
Throw the cracked bowl out and don't patch the cup.
Don't patch anything. Don't mend. Buy safety pins.
Don't even sew on a button.

Let the wind have its way, then the earth
that invades as dust and then the dead
foaming up in gray rolls underneath the couch.
Talk to them. Tell them they are welcome.
Don't keep all the pieces of the puzzles
or the doll's tiny shoes in pairs, don't worry
who uses whose toothbrush or if anything
matches, at all.

Except one word to another. Or a thought.
Pursue the authentic-decide first
what is authentic,
then go after it with all your heart.
Your heart, that place
you don't even think of cleaning out.
That closet stuffed with savage mementos.

Don't sort the paper clips from screws from saved baby teeth
or worry if we're all eating cereal for dinner
again. Don't answer the telephone, ever,
or weep over anything at all that breaks.
Pink molds will grow within those sealed cartons
in the refrigerator. Accept new forms of life
and talk to the dead
who drift in though the screened windows, who collect
patiently on the tops of food jars and books.

Recycle the mail, don't read it, don't read anything
except what destroys
the insulation between yourself and your experience
or what pulls down or what strikes at or what shatters
this ruse you call necessity.

~louise erdrich

sunshine

The sun is peeking through the yellow trees and looks amazing!
But alas, I am too lazy to go find the camera. I choose instead to sit here and absorb inspiration from the many blogs I follow. Such eye candy.

We moved the tv to the downstairs, in the studio, where I have my retro couch.
The upstairs living room is now for conversation, reading and contemplation. It's so peaceful.
Ann has claimed the new chair in the corner, where the tv used to be, as hers. Her book and stuffed chipmunk are left there, making me love her even more.

Today is a math day, piles of bookkeeping to catch up on.
I am procrastinating. Paul just left for the day.
Smoothie in my belly.
Comfy couch.
Life is good.

Off to shower and tackle the responsibility so I can play.

I am nocturnal~

All of a sudden, I have become nocturnal.
Up at 2-3 am most nights, all ready to start my day.
I have been taking this time to read or think or knit.
It's 4:42 right now and I have been up since about 2 ish. Hope I don't feel crappy today from it, Paul is supposed to be home and I plan to tackle a furniture rearrangement, which always turn into more than planned of course. Plus it entails Cleaning. bleh.

I feel some sort of spiritual/energy shift. It's weird how we have worked into a fall schedule, not a fan of schedules. The girls are connecting with their guitars and it's fun to watch them feel the magic of making music, even if it is a plinky version of Rockin Robin (which plays over and over and over in my head).
I have been art journaling more frequently, and though I have no idea how it will come together visually, it is satisfying just gluing ephemera from my days in it.
I suppose if I make coffee now it will wake Paul up and that is just not fair so I will wait.
Maybe I will turn the light off and lay down a bit?
later.

My Rambling Story~

My story...

A bit of history...

I was raised by a creative mom, so art has always been a given. I went to art school intending to pursue interior design, but then switched to fine arts because the idea of drafting made me ill (this was before computers were used). After two years in the fine arts program I switched to a university and got my teaching degree. K-12 art ed. I never really taught much though, I substituted for a bit, then had babies.

After my second daughter I was depressed and miserable and figured out it was because I was not creating. So I moved the girls into the same bedroom and took the empty one for my studio. I started making dolls, because the online doll movement just fascinated and entranced me.

The last doll I made was a fairy who demanded some knitwear. So I learned to knit, then took a class at my local yarn shop, and the owner invited me to come and hang out on Fridays when a bunch of women artists gathered.

Two of these women were spinning the most gorgeous rainbow mohair!

NOW-- the boring back story is done. I researched fiber and spinning online and came across pluckyfluff and her followers. I loved the look and fibers of their skeins.... loved the possibilities.

I started spinning and threw them up on my site and marketed a bit and WOW! I was shocked at what I could get per skein. And I gotta be honest, for the first 3 years it was about the money, because it was my Job. My husband (Paul) had just started his own business so I was the main breadwinner. My dolls would only sell for about $75 and took me weeks to make, but the yarns? A few hours and $50!

The yarns were my medium of necessity, fast to execute and fast to sell. My patterns were fun to design but were mainly designed for marketing purposes.

How many of artists are like this? Who love to create but need to 'produce' to provide an income? The need to Work superseded my creative progress, the natural transition and exploration from medium to medium....but I have learned some interesting things about myself. I love to market. I really enjoy the business aspects of what I do... not as much as creating my art, but the marketing scratches some creative itch for me.

The most satisfying part for me is the conceptual part of my yarns. I am not a 'traditional' spinner and I have no interest in spinning traditional yarns. My yarns are more of a sculpture in my mind. Once I spin a skein I have little interest in knitting it, and definitely do not want to wear it. I am finished with it after spinning and love that the yarn (my creation) goes on to a new person to become yet another creation. Love the collaboration part of it.

I occasionally fall in love with a skein and the colors and create some bags and such, (such as the critter I sent you), but not too often.

My creative triggers?

I am a word nerd and love to take a word or concept and spin a yarn that represents that concept (even if only "I" get the connection).

I also LOVE kitsch and the 'tacky factor', hence the "Christmas Tree" hat... where I spun tiny ornaments and garlands into the yarn and it is then knit into a pointy hat.

Here is a pic... http://www.materialwhirled.com/Tree-Hat-Pattern-pdf-pr-46.html

and here is a hilarious review of my hat... http://fanrastic.com/archives/2008/02/14/worlds-worst-hat-idea/

which made me so amused. I did not know my hat was tacky! gasp!

And my "Holy Cowl", which is a pattern I designed for my Baby Jesus skeins, which have six swaddled and haloed party favor babies spun in.

Sometimes I am inspired by a concept that has been poking at me, or a theme or idea or the fiber itself. Sometimes I create a personality, or spin a yarn version of a person. A Crazy Cat Lady, with her pearls and blue hair and cats. A witch, with her skull and lizard and her grandmother's magical necklace. Lately I have noticed odd serendipitous things, themes or quotes that come at me from unrelated places. The most recent one is Delphi the Sacred Oracle, which has Gnothi Seauton (Know Thyself) over the door... that has come up in my daughter's video game, on the tv, and then in a book I am reading.

Haven't spun that one yet, that may be more for a painting or a life lesson....?

My knitting? Knitting connects me to tradition. Completely different from my art. It is meditative and wonderful and I just love it. I love the math and the challenge and how it calms my neurotic brains and takes me to a calm place where my thoughts can just Be. and it is better for my body than vodka. >:)

I am a person who counts everything all.the.time. OCD? not sure, but I do know that when you knit you can count and it is Ok. You are supposed to be perfect and compulsive about your stitches while still being creative. If I go a few days without knitting I find that I am a bit of a wreck...agitated, chewing the inside of my lips...

So there you have it.

Messages from the Universe?

You know what?

I love how relevant lessons and information are always given to me when I need them.

Usually I take them for granted and absorb the info or quote and go on. But I think I need to start documenting it. So I can look back and not take it for granted so much.

Lastest lesson...

First this quote came...

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

Buddhist proverb

It's a quote we have all heard before, but coming in the midst of my hearing songs and voices and other things popping up all over, it is very relevant.

What other things?

Delphi the Sacred Oracle

Came up 3 times... since yesterday morning.
1- Ann's online game
2- on tv last night
2- in my eckhart tolle book this morning

Gnothi Seauton- Know Thyself
Gnothi Seauton are the words inscribed above the entrance to the temple of Apollo at Delphi, site of the sacred Oracle. In ancient Greece, people wold visit the Oracle hoping to find out what destiny had in store for them or what course of action to take in a particular situation.

Know Thyself.

got it.

I am weird

Some people claim to be weird because it is cool or whatever to do so.

But I really am.

seriously.

So weird I creep myself out, which everyone knows is a legitimate sign of weirdness.

I have this thing I do, and I never really researched it before now.

I hear things.

Not really to the point of being concerned that I may be schizophrenic, which would be a real concern since my gram has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I hear voices, but cannot make out what they are saying. mumbly voices. and usually only when I am alone and it is quiet or in that place between awake and sleep.

I also can tell who is calling when the phone rings. without looking at the caller id. I astound my family with this all the time. I can also make someone call me if I want them to. OR I call them the exact moment they are calling me.

Paul and I do this on a regular basis and I used to do it with other friends.

My new thing, new to the past 6 months to a year, is that I can hear music before it is played. Usually when we are approaching a store or restaurant, I hear what is playing in my head and am singing along with it mentally. (I always have some sort of song playing in my head.) Then when we walk in the door it is playing. Same artist, etc.

Last time I did this was at the coast on Mon. Made me goosebumpily and almost cry.

I will also do it in the car with the radio.

So I googled it, and googling "I hear music before it is played" will bring some weird results. But I found this...which makes total sense.

Clairaudience (hearing/listening)

In the field of parapsychology, clairaudience [from late 17th century French clair (clear) & audience (hearing)] is a form of extra-sensory perception wherein a person acquires information by paranormal auditory means. It is often considered to be a form of clairvoyance.^[24] Clairaudience is essentially the ability to hear in a paranormal manner, as opposed to paranormal seeing (clairvoyance) and feeling (clairsentience). Clairaudient people have psi-mediated hearing. Clairaudience may refer not to actual perception of sound, but may instead indicate impressions of the "inner mental ear" similar to the way many people think words without having auditory impressions. But it may also refer to actual perception of sounds such as voices, tones, or noises which are not apparent to other humans or to recording equipment. For instance, a clairaudient person might claim to hear the voices or thoughts of the spirits of persons who are deceased. Clairaudience may be positively distinguished from the voices heard by the mentally ill when it reveals information unavailable to the clairaudient person by normal means (including cold reading or other magic tricks), and thus may be termed "psychic" or paranormal.^{[citation needed]}

So Clairaudience is something that can be developed.

But how? meditation?

How does one find a legitimate person to coach and guide them through something like this?

There are other powers I have but that is for another post. hee